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<h1>The Last Technical Alpha Male</h1>
<h2>Corporate Chronicles of the Dying World</h2>
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<p>Note for my therapist we shall call her Penelope, I got this feeling that Penelope is wrangling with "why is this person like this?
He couldn't have gone through life like this" That always rings in my head because of how many hundreds of people have asked me in
all seriousness - how are you a real person. I don't know how to describe this to her without sounding like a dick honestly.</p>
<p>I have done a bang up job at that so far, well here goes, I – like all my peers coming out of school, was super careful how I
presented myself when I got to the bank. I was not about to get talked to for another faggola joke (figured it out, technically it’s
not even a word so I don’t know why I keep getting in trouble) maybe bending the rules goes both ways ? hmmm - anyway literally
because of how I am thinking now - my professors and dad told me to act more seriously at work - "Penn , whatever you do, just don't
act like yourself". I did exactly that. I told myself I am the president here and all I care about is helping these fine folks.
I listened to things I did not know about. I smiled and held the door for everyone, always bringing
extra coffee / snacks (that’s something my family does and I do anyway, such a small thing can completely
redirect a person's mood) and I asked leading questions to demonstrate my interest in what people were saying
that I liked on my team in the group meetings, even if I knew, really especially when I knew, just to give that
person more visibility so they could hammer out the point they are about to make anyway, i saw it as not a
work thing but a communication thing and to me that’s never work -oops it is, i meant maybe at the time.
Anyway the admiration my boss had for me after this slipped was better than all the recognition I would get in a lifetime. </p>
<p>It was the sign of admirable men acknowledging each other. Before that though -
I noticed something that got me there, really by accident and something so stupid I normally got in trouble for at home and school.
I made a joke in a small meeting with my coworker, boss and his boss who I never met before, let's call him,
Poseidon ( the topic was about Poseidon not buying an iphone - and sticking to his blackberry curve from 2008 or 2009 (this is almost 2011
at this point). I asked him the only thing that came to my mind, which was, why did they call it a curve you think, I don’t see a curve.
He told me to have a closer look at the curve so I hesitantly came closer and carefully took the phone. The guy was messing with me because
he said you're not looking hard enough. I was nervous and thought, "Is this guy an idiot? There is no curve than politely said & sarcastically
(I knew he was jk, it becomes an invitation to joke back to both bond & establish initial inventiveness), sir they sold you a curve yet does not
curve maybe it means straight in another language? Some people laughed out of obligation; he just smiled. (It was a sarcastic but a very safe
joke back I thought, in the clear baby! Look at me go, Mr. Ethics professor all of a sudden or so I thought for the next 30 seconds) He said they
could have chosen any name in the world and they chose curve, maybe that was why iphone now surpassed blackberry curve in sales in the 2010 year. </p>
<p>He was friendly reminded of many people I played tennis or softball with at my hometown and local JCC. Maybe that’s why I said almost automatically
and so seriously too, hey listen man - I am more than happy to spare some cash so you can get an iphone. I will tell you what - you go get the
iphone now if you would like, while taking some money from my pocket & going to hand it to him not before saying - of course, listen just bring
me back the receipt ok ? I want to make sure I am not supporting a drug habit I don’t know about , OMG when i said it, i thought well 3 months
isn't bad right, i figured i would get fired more times than anyone in the history of the world because of stupid stuff i say just like this one.
( I was not ever quiet, but I was told to be quiet going into this job, you are going to relax and let your guard down , accidentally,
maybe it was instinctively i don't know anymore, I know something told me to say it, these things just fly to the cusp of my brain and
I really have to watch it sometimes oh but that is stressful) - Oh so - They cracked up laughing, the context was classic....
I thought maybe they were just being really nice, but I then started to reveal who I was little by little, sometimes accidentally
but more so as I got comfy. I suspect more so than other people at this point. Something I do not do in front of other people I don’t
know but what am I going to do to avoid corporate forever and people have my back there - i think.</p>
<p>I can't just turn off some features
like everyone else. It's really hard not to make fun of some people, I know, I know that is bad, but you don’t know who I am and it is honestly
how I largely gain my entertainment. Anyway, this is when everything changed. I was frustrated that something broke that I was working on.
We got in a meeting, my boss's boss is there, only knows me by my one dickhead reaction with him, and of course the new guy gets blamed right,
he is the only one different and it looks like it was his microservice feature. </p>
<p>I have never been blamed like that before in a meeting,
especially with mostly men (my only ever reaction to men that age with that degree of hostility was playing sports in town —
oh no this is going to be a terrible cocktail , -> i let it fly, i said if this person was less concerned about where he is going to lunch
everyday and paid more attention to when the sunOne server upgrades were rolling out we wouldn't be here (I know I am old now but at time
it was the dudes only job ), i said this clearly last week in the ethical hack meeting. Way to try to blame the quiet kid bro.
Some people were appalled at how rude I was but others laughed hysterically. </p>
<p>Ironically the ones that I became closest too.
Then my boss’s boss who never ever speaks rumbles, Penn I want you, no matter what even if you think
you are offending someone to speak up if it affects the team, ok? I am giving you a free pass if you offend anyone since
you are our young person new to our culture. This is why we hired you. Noone says anything for an awkward 30 seconds and another
person goes probably by obligation (enterprise architect after some research) wait how did you know that, I didn’t see that was a
reported bug in this version prior to blank blank.</p>
<p>In my head i said to myself, oh my dad's team fuck this up last week and he gave
me a heads up since fortune 100A and fortune 100B both use oracle 9/sunone/ with similar directives in the obj.conf file on the server-
like stupid specific, and performed similar functions. Upgrades are the worst in those days, they are more likely to be downgrades,
some idiot always forgets to capitalize a field name/dependency version/or other (because a non-developer likes it more on a different team,
and breaks somehow in production because the integrations are live and depend on X) to the new fieldname
that serves no purpose beyond a new name (sounds ridiculous, it’s not, happens with ad units targeted to the page that don’t work after
someone changes a class name for no reason). leave the names alone unless you are changing all the connectors from all the environments,
calls, references, metaData, pom file -> just don’t do it. </p>
<p>Idiot man. You don’t know who is relying on that (important concept in the
end pertaining to the role of the alpha). I made up some story about studying source code (i never would, not often at least,
and certainly not in those days) Oh and I said it like I was shocked it was not common practice, but subtly……
So over the next couple of years with Poseidon as my new friend for lunches , everything really (I don’t have it in me to suck up to people,
it’s like the sports captain thing maybe, my humor idk, I do know he liked me the most and I made fun of him if it was funny and just acted
like I was with my pops (It was easier for me because they did the same job, but are still different people that did not know about each
other (yet, honest) , but you know my Dad is a normal dude stands to reason this guy is probably more normal actually),
i soon learned that the people in the room listened to the person that was correct the last few iterations despite age as
ultimately the work needed to be done or work gets suckier).</p>
<p>Oh man this is the only field age does not matter
as much (or more- i guess it’s how you look at it- because young developers now are really just the worst) ,
things change way too fast (and the folks who didn’t like me - will think of anything to discredit you when you are that
young and aggressive - it was fun). WITH ADVICE from Poseidon, I learned not to waste a word. When I said something it was
precise and the exact answer. I was the master of JSP pages, front end, and Java 2EE rest development at first and many of
those technologies at the time were new but not sunone, tomcat, maven, java etc.. </p>
<p>I soon was anointed the team lead in record time,
leveraging what I knew first and slowly expanding with precision. Never speculate, don't be the shitty AI that takes 3 iterations for
the right answer someone else gives in 1. So I combined the captain alpha male inside of me from a lifetime of sports with a roll up your
sleeves work ethic. I knew what other people knew at present, many of them way more than me, and I was going to know the most
about our stuff in record time plus the front end, and build it all on my DigitalOcean servers at home in my freetime. </p>
<p>If someone brought something up, I would never combat them but play dumb and show interest which allowed me to understand more
about what they were talking about until I became the expert on it behind the scenes only revealing so when no one else had the answer.
The black box of wisdom is a powerful thing. Hold on to those key things and use them wisely if you are not at the top.
The best stuff is not openly shared, not without a purpose. Of course when a lady from marketing was with us I would get jokes
about Penn - you are not being yourself buddy, what was that you were saying the other day. </p>
<p>Some of the guys wanted me to burn
myself in front of our compliance or product teams but again I would become Ronald Regan, unsure what antics they were talking about.
So I can do it for an hour or two, anymore is a lot. My boss saw that, appreciated it, and he did nothing but talk me up as the client
facing super developer from Krypton, what a guy. The bank has a lot of side 1 on 1 relationships. When I started running our demo’s -
I would talk to PersonF from England for no reason just because he was really funny and you can let it go one on one. </p>
<p>It wasn't like I walked in the door and ran the place. It is really more than anything talking at the exact right time, nothing more.
People hated people that wasted their attention on unnecessary words or stuff they knew already, and I would joke around about what
they were all thinking anyway but could not say, I knew I had their blessing to push the boundaries and play it off as
a developing kid. Bossman even pretended to reprimand me and behind closed doors proceeded to say that was funny don't say that again,
but if you have to, might as well say it about Chris next week in the third-party analytics meeting, that guy sucks. </p>
<p>It was my intellect, my socio-economic background I guess whatever that means (It is not like I grew up rich with only
a single working immigrant parent that did not even earn in the top 1.5 percent), and more than anything else it was my
physical presence that defined my behavior. My stature, my walk, my cough, a million physical manifestations.
This was every job until I retired. Boss2 was famous for saying "Penn is an emotional intelligence genius" you have never
seen anything like it. So goes my legend, I am too old to change, I will change a little, but I guess how do I tell Pinnelope
she is trying to put mental health definitions on nature? On just the order of things. Instinct trumps written rules, always has
and always will. How in the world is this chick ever even going to start to know the first thing about me.</p>
<p>I want to tell her,
"Well actually i did say Shut up in a meeting actually and let's focus on this, honestly more so than my boss ever could and
i have done it frequently historically however after the first year end of bonus was in the account safely.
Just to test the waters. Never go all in, that's just dumb, be super respectful first so everyone sees it, and
then they are like hey he used to be nice to you, you must have done something stupid or what you're saying is leading to trouble.
I am not gonna lie, sometimes their solution was better but I knew how to do it in something else,
and now the guy burned himself by being wrong about a previous solution.</p>
<p>This one is bad but Bossman would tell
me how to bring up sensitive stuff about certain stubborn folk’s work details like I was the one who stumbled on it -
stuff that probably did bother him but (long history with them or some political domino’s) so in meetings
(the source code thing made people believers, ok well at least they couldn’t question my source not really knowing)
I would bring this up in a nonchalant way and then he would pretend it was all new to him - but maybe now he would say that
I am thinking on it- let's try Penn’s way he has earned at least that much after last week, what do you think about that Bob?
Let the kid struggle with it if he wants (the Kid tag opens the door to versatility through proxy - rare i’m sure) . </p>
<p> Here is a newsflash - No one cares about behavior, it's not real, it just isn't. What is it? A try/catch ?
I treat people at work more than bro's than my actual bro's. I knew exactly who had my back and what each person's
relationship was to the other. It wasn't perfect but it was more analytical understanding than what other people were doing.
Words are what ? Almost a label/value in one, just another type “String” that holds a value - yes an alphanumeric value
who cares they are all representations of stuff we made up - emotions and words can not be quantified together,
impossible technically speaking way way too many variables. It is about your behavior in that exact dynamic with
that exact person, in that exact mood they are in (emotions, people, time, sleep, the parameters are endless). </p>
<p>So for the first time in my life, frankly I really do agree with Boss3 was it?. By my definition I am the most
behaved person there ever was. What now? It's not like you call someone dumb and everyone in the room is appalled,
it is the opposite, you understand who a person is when you tell a targeted joke. Those reactions in the business world
are hard to cover up. If you are the guy that wastes the least time, moves things along, talks people up, if you are
the guy that gives your team a better life and more respect and people see that consistently for more than 8 months.
Guess what you are the person that talks and decides when he talks etc..</p>
<p>The environment needs to be tailored to the MVP
as seen by the majority of your co-workers, subordinates, and bosses - the easiest way to do it is to forget your head
and think with your heart - the billions of powerful neural evolutions handed to you by your ancestors are inside with
those instincts). You are now the webster's dictionary on behavior, look at that.</p>
<p>Yes i will admit around the 2 year
mark if i ever got an HR complaint i said I was gone. I warned people/Boss and two weeks later I really was gone
- incredible because i was actually faking it and bossMan knew that. It was my way of saying without knowing at
the time, ok if you want me here this is how i will act, if i can't i will go somewhere i can. </p>
<p> It was more than genius, lucky, surreptitious really. I was just being a bitch after the first complaint,
and then after the second complaint Boss3 ALREADY had a verbal agreement for me over at mediaPlace.
He is paying what a 25 no. i was 24yrs old over 200k , an office, a credit card, tickets,
he even threw in skis from the ski team just to be funny. So I left and the reason I gave was the HR
complaint (not true - but set a local precedent).</p>
<p>The bank was going to match the 200k plus a bigger bonus with a
new title that did nothing for me -> right it's like these developer guys are athletes with signing bonuses (
we used to be at least) but let's call bossman appropriately James Franco (he is more ridiculous and funnier
in person, these people exist and they are rooting for you to) – told me to come along we will get me paid
when I actually do something he can justify if it actually work and just get out of there Penn, things get
weird after that two year mark as your environment changes for various - his experiences being almost carbon
copies of mine in terms of years). If you can’t build a homerun, a million user capable distributed
applications in all that time- frankly you suck and just stay where you are.</p>
<p>2 Years is like 200 years
in technology years compared to other industries. Why would you not want to build new? Idk probably
a legacy thing, a safety/security thing/personal growth lacking/went into developing but can’t actually
develop(40%) or in some cases it’s just an executive that loves it there despite what he says.
Anyways -> He was at 30 - 2nd in charge only to the owner (this is a huge private company btw - world
renowned) , i don't think i ever met someone close to my dynamic range and outrageous humor until i met him.
I was hands down still cooler but the dude was a head case or a mad scientist, I couldn't tell at first.
I feel like when people are that funny they must be geniuses. From there James Franco told people in
private if Penn ever gets an HR complaint he is gone, trust me it just happened.</p>
<p>
Let it go unless
someones in danger. Like actual danger, he has a gun or they are hanging from the roof, otherwise
it’s cool) I have no idea if that is what he said. He says it is when I messaged him, humor is the
key to the coolest people on this earth. So Boom - now 10 years later, I am rich and many of you have
used my private software (cough if i was real, let’s agree i am not). I hate to say it kids, people react
differently to us depending on their interest, bias, attraction, and especially athletic prowess. </p>
<p>
There is a male dominance component that will never go away. Women are great, the best really -> but
don't go to war with them unless you have to and they are ugly. I am joking, no, no I guess I am not.
Yes no I am joking.I guess why does it matter if I am not real, i guess i could say I was AI generated.
In closing some things are not meant to change, many of your most recent neurons are a product of
thousands of years of evolution of your brain ! </p>
<p>
I love political correctness as much as the next
person, I don't, but what if you change something you do not understand all the potential
repercussions. I am one of the most different and unique people because I changed the least,
tried every solution before changing just the small tiny thing that did not work, not everything I built.
Put your kids in team sports & tennis, don’t be too hard on them for the silly stuff, it might help them one day. </p>
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